


What Goes On Behind Closed Doors

by firenewt



Category: Before Crisis: Final Fantasy VII, Compilation of Final Fantasy VII, Crisis Core: Final Fantasy VII
Genre: Cute, F/M, Gift Fic, Humor, Innuendo, Prompt Fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-18
Updated: 2019-02-18
Packaged: 2019-10-30 18:00:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,580
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17833418
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/firenewt/pseuds/firenewt
Summary: Reno needs help with something that only Cissnei can do for him.





	What Goes On Behind Closed Doors

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Licoriceallsorts](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Licoriceallsorts/gifts).



> Written for FVII Rare Pair Week 2019, Day 2. The prompt was "domestic moments".
> 
> Written for Licoriceallsorts, who happened to mention that Reno/Cissnei is a "guilty pleasure" rare pair.
> 
>  
> 
> Disclaimer: Thanks to Square Enix for letting me play in their world.

Cissnei stared at her phone. The barrage of texts she had received from Reno over the last hour had kept her notifications pinging constantly, until she had turned off the sound in exasperation. She had thought he was handling their break-up quite well, until now. Now, he seemed to be compressing three weeks worth of neediness into one spectacular meltdown.

She pushed away the report she was working on and sat back, debating whether or not to respond. If she did, he might never leave her alone. If she didn’t, well, he was obviously in a bad way. As much as he irritated the hell out of her, she didn’t hate him. There would always be a soft spot for him in her heart, and she didn’t want him to suffer unnecessarily.

With a sigh, she put the report in a drawer and locked it. This wouldn’t take long, she hoped. And then she could get back to work with a clear conscience. “I’ll be back in a bit,” she told Rude as she passed his desk.

He glanced up. “You’re not going to see Reno, are you,” he asked. Actually, it was more of a statement than a question. He tended to have a sixth sense about such things, which was damn inconvenient at times. 

“Nooooo…”

“Leave him alone, Cissnei. Whatever it is, it’s not your responsibility anymore. He’s got a new girlfriend, whatserfaceDagmar. Let her handle it.”

Cissnei put down a flash of annoyance at the mention of the other woman. She really had no right to be jealous. “She’s out of town. Rude, he sounds desperate. I don’t want him to hurt himself.”

“He always sounds desperate. You know that. Everything is always an emergency to him. Don’t get sucked in.”

“I know,” she sighed. “I won’t. Just this one more time, and then…that’s it.”

Rude looked at her dubiously over his sunglasses. “What do you want me to tell the boss if he shows up?” 

“Tell him…I don’t know. Tell him the truth. Tell him I had something urgent to attend to. Tell him…I had to see a man about a horse.” She winked at Rude and slipped away before he could argue with her any further. 

Rude sighed. “Like a moth to the flame,” he muttered, and returned to his own paperwork.

 

Cissnei paused for a moment outside Reno’s quarters, then shrugged and knocked on the door, “Reno? Reno, it’s me. Do you still need me, or did you manage to take care of things yourself?” she called, crossing her fingers that he had.

But no such luck. Reno flung open the door, breathless, half-dressed, sweaty and disheveled and not a little wild-eyed. He yanked her inside before she could say anything else. “Thank th’Goddess yer here! I dunno how much longer I can stand this, yo!”

The door slammed shut, but their voices could still be heard.

“Okay, let’s calm down, okay, I’m here.”

“I can’t calm down! It’s way past that point! I hafta do this NOW or I’m gonna DIE! I can’t wait anymore!”

“Wow, that bad, huh. You’ve got to stop doing this. Why didn’t you get Dagmar to take care of this for you before she left?”

“She wouldn’t! And anyway, she can’t. She can’t do it like you can, yo! Nobody can! Yer so good at it…gods, Ciss, I miss you!”

“I’m not the only one on the Planet who can do it. It just takes practice. Get up. Really, get up. Begging isn’t going to change my mind. You can’t keep calling me like this. You’re a grown ass man, for Minerva’s sake.”

“Please! Please, I AM beggin’! Jus’once more, please! Lookit me, yo! Do I look like I can do this myself? Dun ya think I woulda already if I could? It’s humiliatin’, yo, but I let it go too long and now I gotta…please! I’ll owe ya anything ya want! Pleeeeezzzze!”

“Oh, for…! Fine! You’re such a mess! Let’s get this over with! I have other things to do, you know, besides cater to you and your crazy compulsions!”

“I love you thank you thank you yer the best I’ll make it up to ya I promise thank you!”

“Yeah, yeah. Come here. Let me see what’s going on.”

“o-okay”

“Gods.”

“Be gentle, yo. I’m at th’end’a m’rope with this.”

“I can see that.”

“Whaddya want me to do?”

“Hmmm. Let’s see…hold that while I put this on. I need some protection.”

“What about me?”

“It’s too late for you. You need a shower anyway. And this is your mess, you can deal with it after.”

“Yer a hard woman, yo.”

“Do you want me to leave?”

“No! No, please, I take it back, yer th’ gentlest sweetest most understandin’ OW!”

“I told you to hold it, not lick it!”

“I was just testin’! I thought it was ready!”

“It’s not! Serves you right! Now, do as you’re told this time. Hold it, and give it a bit of a turn when I tell you. “

“Whyzzit vibratin’ so much?? Is there somethin’ wrong with it? Izzit gonna ‘splode??!”

“It’s not quite in the right place. See? There. It has to be there. Keep it right there.”

“Oh, okay, yeah, that makes a big diff’rence, yo.”

“Amazing, isn’t it. Keep going while I add these.”

“Nnnooooo! Oooohhh be careful! It’s getting’ too full! This ain’t good, yo! This is where it all went wrong b’fore!”

“Relax, will you! You make it so much worse when you get all freaked out! Remember, you wanted to do this!”

“I can’t breathe!”

“Yes, you can. Everything’s in. Okay? Stop turning it now. Let me take over there, your hands are shaking…I’m going to take it out slowly…and give it a bit of a tap…”

“….is…is that it..?”

“Not quite. Let’s change this, switch it up for a clean one for the other half. Do you want to do this one by yourself? You could try it while I’m here, so next time you can do it for yourself.”

“I dunno…it dun wanna work f’r me, yo. Y’do it so much better!”

“Don’t be a wuss. Come on, you can do it. I’m right here. Just go slowly. Lower…a bit lower…okay, it’s in. Now, remember to keep it in the right place so it goes around smoothly. Turn it on at the slow setting and speed it up gradually.”

“Like…like this?”

“Yup. Just like that. You can feel and hear the difference, right? Okay, now, with your other hand, put this in, slowly…see, you’re doing it!”

“I am!”

“You are! Faster now. You have to go faster or it won’t work properly.”

“It’s scary!”

“Gods, you’re a Turk. This is not scary.”

“Says you! Oh. I think it’s gettin’ there…it’s…OH! I think it’s done!”

“Is it? Yes, it is. Good. And you only got a little on yourself this time.”

“I feel hot, yo. I feel like I’m gonna faint.”

“Well, you’ve been working hard. And it _is_ hot in here.”

“I need a drink. And a smoke.”

“Not yet. You can’t leave things like this. Use your muscles. Odin knows that arm gets a lot of practice.”

“Not like this, it don’t. My wrist is gonna be so sore t’morrow, yo!”

“Poor baby. Keep going. All the way down on each stroke, and then up again. Go a little to each side when you go down. You want to hit aaaalll the spots down there.”

“It’s getting’ on my fingers!”

“That tends to happen. Don’t stop to lick them off, not yet.”

“It’s so temptin’, though!”

“I know. Okay. That’s good. Now, lift that up…careful…and move it over here. It’s a lot, but don’t worry, it will all fit.”

“Are ya sure? Shouldn’I stop now? What if it don’t?? I caaaaannn’tttt!!”

“Trust me. This isn’t my first rodeo. See? It all fits. You’re done. You can stop hyperventilating now. How do you feel?”

“Dead.”

“Uh huh. Well, practice makes perfect. I was nervous my first few times, too. But then you get a feel for it, and it becomes fun instead of stressful and…injurious.”

“I dunno. I always panic halfway through and then it all goes sideways. Litr’lly.”

“Maybe try it when there’s no pressure. Then it doesn’t matter if you can’t finish things. Performance anxiety really makes it more difficult.”

“Yeah, maybe. I like it when it’s done, but gettin’ there is so hard. You make it so much easier, yo. Thanks, Ciss. I really owe ya.”

“It’s the last time, Reno. If you get stuck again, don’t call me. Now, why don’t you go have a rest. You look exhausted. You can clean up later. And no, I am not going to help you with that.”

 

Half an hour later Cissnei put a hot brownie on Rude’s desk as she returned to the office. 

“Thanks,” Rude said. 

Cissnei muttered to herself as she sat down at her desk and pulled out her report. “Next time he volunteers for a bake sale, he’s on his own. And all the gods help him and whoever gets the fruits of his labour.”

“Um.”

“What?” she looked up.

“You have a little something on your cheek. Right…there…” Rude pointed on his own face, and decided that discretion then called for silence, but he grinned to himself as he enjoyed his excellent treat.


End file.
